Your attitude may be the biggest thing holding you back. And
that’s great news, because you can change it very quickly.
Other challenges and limitations can take much time and energy
to overcome. Yet if your attitude is what’s limiting you, then you have the key
right here and now to break free.
Your attitude does not define you and it doesn’t really
control you. It does, however, exert a powerful influence on the way you see the
world.
The simple fact is that with a positive, purposeful and loving
attitude, you are able to see and to connect with life’s best possibilities. And
simply by deciding to choose it, you can immediately benefit from such an
attitude.
You don’t have to let your attitude be held hostage by
negative people, events or circumstances. You can choose whatever attitude you
wish, no matter what may be going on around you.
So give yourself a powerful advantage. Choose an attitude,
right now, that will illuminate the positive side of life, and begin right away
to reap the great rewards of your empowering focus.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"I have never been able to conceive how
any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power
over others." - Thomas Jefferson
When your intent is to control others, are
you thinking about happiness or are you more concerned about safety? Are you
confusing the two - thinking that trying to feel safe by attempting to control
others will make you feel happy?
It is my experience that people try to
control out of fear, and that the motivating factor is the need for safety.
Take a moment to think about your own experience. Since we all try to
control at times (please take all judgment off 'being controlling' so that you
can learn), it is likely that you can remember a time when you were trying to
control how someone felt about you or how they behaved - with anger, shaming,
blaming, guilting, compliance, people-pleasing, withdrawal, resistance or many
of the more subtle ways we try to control each other. Our ego-wounded self has
learned many ways to try to control others so as not to feel helpless over them,
and not to feel the loneliness and heartbreak of others' unloving
behavior.
When you think about a time you were controlling with someone, was
happiness even a consideration? Do you recall ever actually feeling happy or
joyful when you managed to get someone's approval, or when you managed to bully
someone into complying? You might have felt the momentary relief that comes from
feeling some power over another, rather than feeling helpless over the other
person, but did it fill your heart with peace and joy?
If you are honest with
yourself, you will discover that the momentary feeling of safety derived from
not feeling powerless over another person was what you were seeking. And if you
continue to be honest with yourself, you will discover that, not only did this
not bring you happiness or joy, but knowing that you manipulated someone might
have even undermined your self-esteem. I have many clients who tell me that they
are often afraid someone will find out they are a fraud - that they are not who
they seem to be - because of their controlling behavior. They are willing to pay
a high price for the illusion of safety.
Illusion? Yes. The kind of 'safety'
that comes from controlling behavior is very different than the true safety that
comes from loving yourself and taking responsibility for your feelings - rather
than making others responsible for you. Even if another does seem to give you
the love, approval or behavior you are seeking, they can always change their
mind, or they can leave. How is that safe?
Real emotional safety, happiness
and joy come from being loving to yourself and to others - not from trying to
get love, approval or compliance through your controlling behavior.
When you
are willing to shift your intent from trying to control others, to learning to
love yourself, you will experience the huge difference between the 'safety' and
relief that you may momentarily experience, and the true inner peace and joy
that is possible when you learn to love yourself.
I know it is scary to the
ego-wounded self to even contemplate learning about your controlling behaviors
and how they make you feel, but I can assure you that it is worth it. I never
felt true joy until I opened to learning about my controlling behaviors and to
learning to love myself.
In order to learn about the many ways you might be
trying to control, it's vitally important that you see this learning as an
exciting discovery process, which you can do only when you take all judgment off
your controlling behaviors. We all try to control, so let's not make it a bad
word or a bad thing to do!
***
Your good life
Live the good life you have, as it comes. Don’t be overly concerned about
losing it, or obsessed with making it into something it’s not.
Enjoy the goodness of your existence in a universe filled with abundance.
Feel the sacred uniqueness of each moment and find joy in fulfilling the best
possibilities.
It is good to plan and to remember. Yet you are alive in this moment to live
the special beauty of this moment.
Your good life is not in some fondly remembered past or some hoped for
future. It is here and now.
Appreciate the good life you now have. It is truly beautiful, and the miracle
of you is that you can experience that beauty.
Your good life is here today, flowing gently through your experience. Now is
your moment to live it all.
Ralph Marston
