Looking back at 2012, thinking it was a pretty good year, Beginning in Janurary my bf returned to CA after 3 weeks of holiday joy, I was sad and me and my family all missed him. I know now that he had to return because he couldn't stand going without a drink for any longer. Sadly looking back I realize that he wasn't as strong as he claimed to be and was suffering from depression, due to job loss and it got worse when he returned to CA alone and he actually missed me and my family terribly. He had no reason to stay in CA all alone though and my family wondered why he wanted to remain out there, we sadly all know why now. Through 2012 he continued to make excuses why he had to stay in CA even though he would say he was moving, here to OK, where he was born to begin with and he wanted to marry me and be happy. I wanted to have a stress free, fight free relationship so I went along with all his stories believing every word. In the back of my mind I had doubts and I should have listened to myself.
So the year went on month after month holiday after holiday, including valentine's and then his birthday, which as he said, no matter what people don't remain apart for birthdays, yet when his came there was no trip plans made, the year before we spent several days, holidays and made lots of trips back and forth to be together and work at a long distant relationship. Plans were made for when he aquired a new job and then moving would be in order, then new plans were made that he was going to move to Oklahoma to be with me and close to my family since I had kids and he never had any, still things got worse throughout 2012. Finally I had enough and so I told him that I was going to leave for CA and we would have to work things out face to face. He agreed he missed me very much and it would be wonderful to hug and see me after so many months. So I packed and made ready to leave my home, then he calls and says that it's not a good time and that I need to stay home, he admitted to drinking and that he would sober up and make plans to come out to me for the holidays, but that he had a really bad case of flu and couldn't hardly walk, which alerted me that this genius of man had fallen into deeper depression and that I needed to get him help fast.
So I called for help but by the time I could get anyone to listen to me and due to the fact that my bf was such a good liar, making up detailed stories of his actions which included seeing a physciatrist seeking counciling, seeing family members, and going places for job interviews and other things, all this had been nothing but lies over and over for 8 months now, and he was almost dead.
I did manage to finally get help, but he was in such bad shape that his kidneys were just barely workig and his liver was totally dead. He was put in the hospital and I rushed out to be with him, they moved him to ICU in just 3 days because he became worse, and I saw before me a sad helpless man who shut the world out and ruined not only his life, but damaged my heart and our future. He was concious throughout his condition. He knew what was happening although he talked like it was still just flu and he was going to get better, even though he was bed ridden, he would return to OK with me in a few days.
I prepared myself to take care of him to the end no matter how long we had together, to make it a happy time and show him love. His mother however was indifferent to that idea, and said she would take care of him to his dying day, she is controlling and over bearing and hateful and I do believe that she doesn't want to see anyone happy, because she lives such a miserable hateful life, due to her own dealings.
I sat there day after day, night after night all alone in CA, hours at the hospital, at his empty apartment for days, thinking, Why am I sitting here when he was a smarter man than to do this to us, and why am I putting up with his mother whom, he had shut out of his life, and now I can see why.
To my face she would thank me for saving his life, then she continued to make plans to give up his apartment and get rid of his belongings, she objected to me moving him to OK where he would be cared for and loved. His evil mother continued to carry on, screaming at me, his nurses, his doctors and then asking us to forgive her the next, crazy as she is. The final straw came when she said she could move him to Vegas to her home and turn his dead father's office into his bedroom and he would remain there with her and that I could give up my family and life and go there to stay with them. The more I listened to things and watched the angrier and the more pain I suffered, he had been nothing but wonderful the year before and I still don't understand how such a brilliant kind caring man can turn into a self destroyer.
I realized that was the end for us and that it was time to gather up my belongings and pack away a few of the things he loved most so she wouldn't destroy his entire memories, that I would have for him in the slightest chance that he heal and return to me. So I told him that I must return home and that I wished him the fastest recovery and would keep in touch daily waiting for him.
I returned home and so my life goes on without him, his mother the wicked heartless soul and him deserve each other. So be it
On the good side of 2012 I had a new baby grand daughter born in February, she is so beautiful. My grand children are the sunshine of my life and I enjoy everyday I spend with them and my children.
I have children who don't live close enough to me that I can see weekly and I miss them very much and try to keep in touch with them as much as possible.
I look forward to 2013 to be a bright new year with more ups than downs this year, and in any new relationship I will be more cautious to really on my inner feelings more. I have always been more open and maybe it was the fact that I tried a long distance relationship that made this difficult and I probably wont try long distance again.
One day, Emma came home from a playdate with her friend Annie with a rectangular take-out soy-sauce dish filled with the mini donuts. I was in love…what a great cooking project! Then, she told me the idea came from an American Girl book, Tiny Treats. We got one immediately, and Emma started making one or two every weekend–get this…instead of TV time!!! That’s just about the best recommendation I can give! I couldn’t even tell you which is my favorite—I think they’re all so adorable. Which is yours?
;)
